


i say all things in a joking manner (my life is a joke)

by tsookki



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Dick Jokes, Humor, I AM A MESS, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, MY EYES, Sexual innuendos, Texting, boutta drop myself, i searched for 'group chat' in the tags and 'group sex' was the first thing that popped up, i try to be funny i rly do, lack of updates, sometimes:, this is a mess, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-22 13:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13167852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsookki/pseuds/tsookki
Summary: (00:23) babythot: jaebum hyung help jinyoung hyungs on his period again





	1. ngl this fanfic flopped before it even started

**Author's Note:**

> cross posted on my aff account, soz too tired rn to care abt format of the text
> 
> Mark: LAgansgsterKimMork  
> Jaebum: onebite-harabeoji  
> Jackson: WildAndSexy™  
> Jinyoung: mamathot  
> Youngjae: LorenzoChoi  
> Bambam: dabmaster  
> Yugyeom: babythot

**epitome of expectation vs reality**

 

 **dabmaster** has renamed this conversation from ‘ **epitome of expectation vs reality** ’ to ‘ **dab7** ’

_(11:34)_

 

 _(11:37)_ **LAgangsterKimMork** : fuck off

 _(11:37)_ **dabmaster** : hyUNG

 _(11:37)_ **dabmaster** : what type of name is epitome of expectation vs reality anywayyyy dab7 sounds better

 _(11:38)_ **LorenzoChoi** : mark hyung you shouldnt swear so easily

 _(11:38)_ **LAgangsterKimMork** : sry bb ill try to stop swearing so much

 _(11:38)_ **dabmaster** : ooo hyungs so whipped

 

 **LAgangsterKimMork** has renamed this conversation from ‘ **dab7** ’ to ‘ **got7** ’

_(11:39)_

 

 _(11:39)_ **dabmaster** : got7 is so boring

 _(11:39)_ **LAgangsterKimMork** : youre boring

 _(11:40)_ **LAgangsterKimMork** : and dead if you keep changing the chat title

 _(11:40)_ **dabmaster** : i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now

  


☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

  


**got7**

 

 _(01:06)_ **babythot** : hyunggggg im hungry~ whens lunch

 _(01:06)_ **onebite-harabeoji** : hi hungry im dad

 _(01:06)_ **babythot** : that so old hyung

 _(01:06)_ **babythot** : and youre not my dad, i dont have a dad like you

 _(01:07)_ **dabmaster** : ooo need sum ice 4 dat burrrrrnnnn

  


**private message**

 

 _(01:14)_ **mamathot** : why is jaebum hyung sobbing to himself in a corner

 _(01:14)_ **babythot:** …

 _(01:14)_ **mamathot** : hes crying about you

 _(01:15)_ **babythot** : …

 _(01:15)_ **mamathot** : what did you say to him? come over here and cheer your father up

 _(01:16)_ **babythot** : heS NOT MY DAD

 _(01:16)_ **mamathot** : YAH KIM YUGYEOM WHYD YOU SCREAM IT AS WELL??? HE HEARD YOU AND NOW HES CRYING HARDER

  


**private message**

 

 _(01:21)_ **babythot** : ayy hyung you know i didnt mean those mean words

 _(01:21)_ **babythot** : i luv u

 _(01:21)_ **onebite-harabeoji** : read 01:21

 _(01:22)_ **babythot** : hyunggg

 _(01:22)_ **babythot** : ㅠㅠ

 _(01:57)_ **onebite-harabeoji** : i luv u 2 my son

  


☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

  


**got7**

 

 **WildAndSexy** **TM** has renamed **onebite-harabeoji** to **Abeoji**

_(05:04)_

 

 _(05:04)_ **WildAndSexy** **TM** : jaebum appa buy us dinner juseyo~

 _(05:06)_ **babythot** : ahhh jackson hyung,,, are you trying to be jaebum hyungs baby boy?? i thought i was your beloved baby boy tho???

  


**private message**

 

 _(05:06)_ **WildAndSexy** **TM** : jaebum hyung got his paycheck today

  


**got7**

 

 _(05:07)_ **babythot** : awoo jaebummie appa buing buing~ pls buy dinner <3

  


☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

  


**got7**

 

 **WildAndSexy** **TM** has renamed **babythot** to **babyboyGyeom**

_(05:08)_

 

 _(05:08)_ **WildAndSexy** **TM** : youll always be my baby boy :*

 _(05:08)_ **babyboyGyeom** : :*

 _(05:10)_ **LAgangsterKimMork** : i see whats going on

 

 **LAgangsterKimMork** has renamed **LorenzoChoi** to **babyboyJae**

_(05:10)_

 

 _(05:11)_ **babyboyJae** : awww hyung youre adorable

 _(05:11)_ **LAgangsterKimMork** : ^^

 

 **Abeoji** has renamed **mamathot** to **babyboyJin**

_(05:14)_

 

 _(05:14)_ **Abeoji** : since im already named abeoji anyways LOL

 _(05:15)_ **babyboyJin** : …

 _(05:15)_ **babyboyJin** : brb children

 _(05:16)_ **babyboyJae:** ???

 

 **Abeoji** has renamed **babyboyJin** to **daddy**

_(05:39)_

 

 _(05:40)_ **dabmaster** : what

 _(05:40)_ **daddy** : since jaebum hyung cant really walk properly right now i’ll order take out for us

 _(05:41)_ **dabmaster** : hYUNG

 _(05:41)_ **dabmaster** : WHAT THE FUCK

 _(05:41)_ **dabmaster** : _EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW_

  
  
  



	2. what am i doing ???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one day im gonna care about formatting  
> however today is not the day

**got7**

 

 **cocos-mom** has renamed **babyboyJae** to **cocos-mom**

_(07:37)_

 

 **cocos-mom** has renamed **LAgangsterKimMork** to **paychildsupport**

_(07:37)_

 

 _(07:38)_ **cocos-mom** : mark hyung

 _(07:38)_ **cocos-mom** : i want a divorce

 _(07:39)_ **paychildsupport** : youngjae ??? whats this about ???

 _(07:39)_ **cocos-mom** : you forgot to wash coco

 _(07:39)_ **cocos-mom** : _again_

 _(07:40)_ **paychildsupport** : only this one time tho ???

 _(07:40)_ **cocos-mom** : what about all the times you washed coco and then just handed her to me so you didnt need to dry her?

 _(07:41)_ **cocos-mom** : you only play with her when you want to. what about all the times she wants to play with you huh

 _(07:41)_ **paychildsupport** : im sorry youngjae i didnt know it was this serious ill take care of coco more

 _(07:42)_ **cocos-mom** : ok im glad we talked abt this but i mean it when i say ill take coco away from you if youre careless

 _(07:42)_ **dabmaster** : youngjae hyung accidentally dyed cocos fur pink with the new soap

 _(07:42)_ **cocos-mom** : yOU SNITCH

 _(07:43)_ **paychildsupport** : wait youngjae whAT

 _(07:43)_ **paychildsupport** : we need to talk

 

 **cocos-mom** has renamed **dabmaster** to **return-to-thailand**

_(07:44)_

 

 _(07:44)_ **return-to-thailand** : omg why would you do that like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation

 _(07:45)_ **daddy** : bitch stop quoting kim kardashian

 _(07:45)_ **return-to-thailand** : whyre you so mean to me youre my mom youRE MEANT TO TAKE MY SIDE AND DEFEND MY HONOUR

 _(07:46)_ **daddy** : i aint no mother of no snitch

 _(07:46)_ **return-to-thailand** : ㅠㅠ

  


**private message**

 

 _(07:44)_ **paychildsupport** : so about coco

 _(07:44)_ **cocos-mom** : im rly sry hyung i didnt mean to dye her pink and i didnt want you to find out and be mad at me and break another air con

 _(07:44)_ **cocos-mom** : or throw a laptop at me

 _(07:45)_ **paychildsupport** : calm down youngjae im not mad

 _(07:45)_ **paychildsupport** : plus i think coco will look cute with pink fur

 _(07:46)_ **cocos-mom** : really? ill send you a lot of photos

 _(07:46)_ **cocos-mom** : i love you hyung <333

 _(07:47)_ **paychildsupport** : i love you too <3

  


☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

  


**return-to-thailand** has renamed this conversation from ‘ **got7** ’ to ‘ **hELP PLZ** ’

_(11:23)_

 

 _(11:23)_ **return-to-thailand** : gUYS I ACCIDENTALLY WASHED MY WHITES WITH A BRIGIHT PINK SHIRT OTTEOKE ???!!?!1/!??!

 _(11:24)_ **daddy** : snitches get stitches

 _(11:24)_ **return-to-thailand** : hYUNGGGG????

 _(11:25)_ **daddy** : bye snitch

 

 **daddy** has removed **return-to-thailand** from this conversation

_(11:25)_

 

 _(11:25)_ **daddy** : i have defeated evil

  


☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

  


**hELP PLZ**

 

 _(23:46)_ **Abeoji** : how do i change my name

 _(23:46)_ **babyboyGyeom** : you changed jinyoung hyungs name like two days ago ???

 _(23:47)_ **Abeoji** : i forgot how i did it

 _(23:47)_ **Abeoji** : someone help me

 _(23:48)_ **babyboyGyeom** : like this hyung

 

 **yugyeomoppa** has renamed **babyboyGyeom** to **yugyeomoppa**

_(23:49)_

 

 _(23:49)_ **Abeoji** : how did you do that ???

 _(23:49)_ **yugyeomoppa** : do you want me to rename you for you

 _(23:50)_ **Abeoji** : yeah thatll work too, just name me jaebum hyung thanks

 _(23:50)_ **yugyeomoppa** : okaayy hyung ^^

 

 **yugyeomoppa** has renamed **Abeoji** to **waterfist**

_(23:51)_

 

 _(23:51)_ **waterfist** : YAH KIM YUGYEOM

 _(23:51)_ **waterfist** : FUCKING PREPARE YOURSELF

 _(23:51)_ **waterfist** : IMMA FUCKING WHOOP YO ASS EVEN IF IT KILLS ME

 _(23:52)_ **yugyeomoppa** : omg hyung im so scaredd;; your punches _really_ hurt

 _(23:52)_ **waterfist** : ISTG

 _(23:52)_ **waterfist** : YOU ARE DEAD TO ME

 _(00:09)_ **waterfist** : HOW DO I CHANGE MY NAME ???

  


☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

  


**hELP PLZ**

 

 _(00:11)_ **daddy** : why is jaebum hyung having a breakdown at midnight

 _(00:11)_ **daddy** : why is jaebum hyung named waterfist

 _(00:12)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : scroll up

 _(00:12)_ **daddy:** my goodness. yugyeom-ah

 _(00:14)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : actual so proud of him

 _(00:14)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : love you gyeommie :*

 _(00:15)_ **yugyeomoppa** : love you too jackson hyung :*

 _(00:15)_ **yugyeomoppa** : sry jinyoung hyung

 _(00:16)_ **daddy:** actually im proud of you too

 _(00:16)_ **daddy** : you just made my day. jaebum hyung is now shouting really funny things at his phone

 _(00:17)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : omg snapchat it to us

  


☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

  


**hELP PLZ**

 

 _(00:53)_ **daddy** : update: jaebum hyung is now facetiming nora while complaining about how ungrateful the maknaes are

 _(00:54)_ **daddy:** he is now cooing at nora

 _(00:54)_ **daddy** : wait i took a video ill send it to the highest bidder

 _(00:55)_ **daddy** : starting at 5$

 

 **yugyeomoppa** has added **return-to-thailand** into this conversation

_(00:55)_

 

 _(00:56)_ **waterfist** : …

 _(00:56)_ **waterfist** : wth jinyoung

 _(00:57)_ **waterfist** : i demand for a divorce

 _(00:57)_ **return-to-thailand** : 7$

 _(00:58)_ **yugyeomoppa** : 7$ 05

 _(00:58)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : 8$!

 _(00:59)_ **paychildsupport** : 10$

 _(00:59)_ **cocos-mom** : so expensive already OTL

 _(01:00)_ **daddy** : anyone higher than 10$?

 _(01:01)_ **daddy** : no one?

 _(01:02)_ **daddy** : its going in 5

 _(01:02)_ **daddy** : 4

 _(01:02)_ **daddy** : 3

 _(01:03)_ **daddy** : 2

 _(01:03)_ **daddy** : 1

 _(01:04)_ **daddy** : and its gone to mark hyung! ill send it to you after receiving the money in cash thanks

 _(01:05)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : mark hyungs so rich,,,, none of us can beat him,,,,

 _(01:05)_ **waterfist** : im disowning all of you

 

 

 


	3. yknow,,, jaebum has a gr8 ass 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow another update so soon i must be a miracle worker so much dedication ive truly outdone myself this time  
> (pls dont expect another update in near future school is starting for me in like 2 days;;)  
> ngl yugyeom (and jaebum) were kinda non existent in this chapter sry my dudes

**private message**

 

 _(14:32)_ **waterfist** : jinyoungie… please… help change my name…

 _(14:33)_ **daddy** : awh hyung whats wrong

 _(14:33)_ **waterfist** : i just want my name to be JB is that too much...

 _(14:34)_ **daddy** : not at all

 _(14:34)_ **daddy** : here i’ll help you change it

 _(14:35)_ **waterfist** : really 

_(14:35)_ **waterfist** : i love you jinyoung thanks

 

**daddy** has renamed  **waterfist** to  **jaebooty**

_ (14:36) _

 

 _(14:36)_ **jaebooty** : WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK 

_(14:36)_ **jaebooty** : PARK JINYOUNG YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD TO ME

 _(14:37)_ **jaebooty** : DEAD YOU HEAR ME 

_(14:37)_ **jaebooty** : D

 _(14:37)_ **jaebooty** : E

 _(14:37)_ **jaebooty** : A

 _(14:38)_ **jaebooty** : D

 _(14:38)_ **jaebooty** : _D E A D_

 _(14:38)_ **jaebooty** : AND YOU WONT BE SEEING NONNA MY ASS ANYTIME SOON 

_(14:38)_ **jaebooty** : HAVE FUN WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND

 _(14:39)_ **daddy** : psshh,,, bitch please,,, we all know my dick is the _true_ star of the show

 _(14:39)_ **jaebooty** : bLOCKED

  
  


☆ ♬  ♡  ♩  ♥  ♪ ✧ ♪  ♥  ♩  ♡  ♬ ☆

  
  


**hELP PLZ**

 

 _(14:51)_ **return-to-thailand** : wow who named jaebum hyung jaebooty

 _(14:51)_ **return-to-thailand** : real MVP right here

 _(14:52)_ **cocos-mom** : speaking of names…

 _(14:52)_ **cocos-mom** : why is jinyoung hyung named daddy ??? i thought hes our mom

 _(14:53)_ **return-to-thailand** : same reason why you call mark hyung what you call him behind the curtains

 _(14:53)_ **return-to-thailand** : shocked but not surprised that jaebum likes to call jinyoung that too

 _(14:54)_ **return-to-thailand** : i learn new things abt our members every day

 _(14:54)_ **cocos-mom** : i call mark hyung ‘mark hyung’ tho ?

 _(14:55)_ **cocos-mom** : jaebum hyung likes calling jinyoung hyung ‘mark hyung’ ?

 _(14:55)_ **cocos-mom** : 0.o

 _(14:56)_ **return-to-thailand** : wow i knew that youngjae would be pretty innocent

 _(14:56)_ **return-to-thailand** : didnt know mark hyung was so vanilla tho

 _(14:57)_ **return-to-thailand** : thought youd be kinkier than missionary  

 _(14:57)_ **paychildsupport** : shut up and stop trying to corrupt youngjae with your shitty thoughts

 _(14:58)_ **paychildsupport** : i may not be freaky between the sheets but at least im gettin sum

 _(14:58)_ **paychildsupport** : what u gettin

 _(14:59)_ **return-to-thailand** : IRRELEVANT

 _(14:59)_ **paychildsupport** : das what i thought

 _(15:01)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : mark: 18

 _(15:01)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : bambam: 0

 _(15:02)_ **cocos-mom** : no one has answered my question yet… 

_(15:02)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : well youngjae you see

 _(15:03)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much

 _(15:03)_ **daddy** : STFU JACKSON BEFORE I KICK YOU OUTTA MY HOUSEHOLD AND SLAP YOU 9 WAYS TO HELL

 _(15:04)_ **daddy** : how dare you attempt to defile and soil youngjaes purity 

_(15:04)_ **daddy:** anyways youngjae i was briefly named daddy to prove a point to jaebum hyung

 _(15:05)_ **daddy** : but now im going to change my name and you’ll forget all about this alright? we’re not ever going to mention this again

 

**TheBestMom** has renamed  **daddy** to  **TheBestMom**

_ (15:05) _

 

 _(15:06)_ **cocos-mom** : okay jinyoung hyung ???

 _(15:06)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : dont listen to him

 _(15:07)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : like hell he’ll ever forget abt gettin sum from my man jb 

_(15:07)_ **TheBestMom** : wang jackson do you have a death wish

 _(15:08)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : wow what blatant favoritism 

_(15:08)_ **TheBestMom** : youre a son i never wanted why would i treat you well

 _(15:10)_ **return-to-thailand** : jinyoung: 37

 _(15:10)_ **return-to-thailand** : jackson: 0

  
  


☆ ♬  ♡  ♩  ♥  ♪ ✧ ♪  ♥  ♩  ♡  ♬ ☆

  
  


**hELP PLZ**

 

 _(21:09)_ **yugyeomoppa:** bams take a shower after dinner and get into your pyjamas so we can get this slumber party stARTED !!!

 _(21:09)_ **return-to-thailand** : can i take a shower _in_ my pyjamas

 _(21:10)_ **yugyeomoppa** : wot

 _(21:10)_ **yugyeomoppa** : but then you would be wet and your pyjamas would be wet and your entire bed would be wet

 _(21:11)_ **return-to-thailand** : but if everythings wet…

 _(21:11)_ **return-to-thailand** : is anything _really_ wet ???

 _(21:12)_ **return-to-thailand** : like when youre totally underwater...

 _(21:12)_ **return-to-thailand** : youre _not_ really wet

 _(21:14)_ **yugyeomoppa** : yes

 _(21:14)_ **yugyeomoppa** : _you are_

 _(21:23)_ **TheBestMom** : now i understand why the conversation is named help plz

 _(21:23)_ **return-to-thailand** : r00d

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is water really wet tho ???  
> (wizards of waverly place is gud !!!)
> 
> comments and kudos pls be charitable  
> im needy


	4. siKE IM STill alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another shitty update *sad whip*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yall wldve noticed ya girl finally fixed the formatting yay!!!  
> also i know its been like 8 months since the last update whatevs yolo amirite  
> so i wrote this chapter to celebrate lullaby 4th win WHOOPWHOOP I AM SO PROUD AND HAPPY FOR OUR BOYS  
> pls enjoy <3  
> (also quick recap bc its been like 500 years:  
> jaebum: jaebooty  
> mark: paychildsupport  
> jackson: wildandsexyTM  
> youngjae: cocos-mom  
> bambam: return-to-thailand  
> yugyeom: yugyeomoppa  
> group chat: help plz  
> ngl might be wrong bc i cant remember either tbh)

**hELP PLZ**

 

 **DEFSOUL** has renamed **jaebooty** to **DEFSOUL**

_(22:42)_

 

 _(22:42)_ **DEFSOUL** : YES

 _(22:42)_ **DEFSOUL** : I DID IT

 _(22:42)_ **DEFSOUL** : I REMEMBERED HOW TO CHANGE MY NAME AFTER 8 MONTHS

 _(22:43)_ **DEFSOUL** : IM FKN UNSTOPPABLE NOW

 _(22:43)_ **DEFSOUL** : but anyways

 _(22:43)_ **DEFSOUL** : today i want to address the issue about

 _(22:44)_ **DEFSOUL** : jackson and yugyeom, you two are being quite obvious lately with all the gay on screen. you shld tone it down a little bit

 _(22:44)_ **yugyeomoppa** : but hyung, you stared at that one photo of jinyoung hyung for 3 hours last week uwu

 _(22:44)_ **DEFSOUL** : how is that relevant?

 _(22:45)_ **yugyeomoppa** : its relevant bc it was a screenshot of the lullaby teaser that displayed jinyoung hyungs massive dick uwu

 _(22:45)_ **DEFSOUL** : KIM YUGYEOM WHAT THE HECK

 _(22:45)_ **DEFSOUL** : DO YOU WANT TO DIE

 

**private message**

 

 _(22:46)_ **DEFSOUL** : also how did you find out

 _(22:46)_ **yugyeomoppa** : i saw you sighing on the couch two days ago and i thought you were tired or sth from the cb but then i saw your phone screen from behind you

 _(22:46)_ **yugyeomoppa** : i think you were too immersed with staring to notice i was there

 _(22:47)_ **yugyeomoppa** : its actually kinda sad hyung, are you two alright?

 _(22:47)_ **DEFSOUL** : yeah,,, jinyoungs been too into gym lately. all he does is lift those stupid weights, i wish hed lift me too :(

 

**hELP PLZ**

 

 _(22:47)_ **yugyeomoppa** : JINYOUNG HYUNG JB HYUNG WANTS YOUR

 _(22:52)_ **cocos-mom** : what what what what does he want

 _(22:52)_ **cocos-mom** : yugyeom???

 _(22:52)_ **cocos-mom** : yugyeom why did you disappear without finishing your sentence?

 _(22:53)_ **DEFSOUL** : its ok. yugyeom just went to sleep

 _(22:53)_ **DEFSOUL** : he wont be up for a while :)

 _(22:53)_ **cocos-mom** : hyung ??? youre scaring me 0.o

 _(22:54)_ **DEFSOUL** : :)

 

☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

 

 **return-to-thailand** has renamed this conversation from ‘ **hELP PLZ** ’ to ‘ **ALL KILL** ’

_(19:02)_

 

 _(19:02)_ **return-to-thailand** : LULLABY 4TH WIN GUYS

 _(19:02)_ **return-to-thailand** : ITS BEEN LIKE A YEAR SINCE WE WON MORE THAN 3

 _(19:03)_ **return-to-thailand** : WE MADE IT WE MADE IT WE MADE IT

 _(19:03)_ **paychildsupport** : AITE AITE AITE AITE

 _(19:03)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : pls stop that its getting old

 _(19:04)_ **yugyeomoppa** : old but gold AITE AITE AITE AITE

 _(19:04)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : STFU U LIL BITCH I WILL FUCKING

 _(19:04)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : boop your lil nose and cuddle you at night

 _(19:05)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : i can never be mad at you bb

 _(19:05)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : even when you basically half strip me on stage

 _(19:05)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : im actual so weak for you bb i couldnt even go thru with my threat of stripping you back

 _(19:06)_ **DEFSOUL** : sEE THIS ?? THIS IS THE EXACT TYPE OF BEHAVIOUR I WANT YOU TO CONTROL NO ONE CARES OKAY

 _(19:06)_ **yugyeomoppa** : awww sseunie hyung i love you too <333 also sry not sry for showing your abs on tv. theyre too good to not be shown

 _(19:06)_ **yugyeomoppa** : also jb hyung youre just jealous bc you gettin none of the d from jinyoung hyung

 _(19:07)_ **DEFSOUL** : FUCK OFF YOU LIL SHIT IMMA SEE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT WHEN I SCREAM MY HEAD OFF TONIGHT

 _(19:07)_ **return-to-thailand** : fellas

 _(19:07)_ **return-to-thailand** : is it gay

 _(19:08)_ **return-to-thailand** : to threaten and compete with other men abt how much dick youre gettin from your boyfriend as a man yourself

 _(19:08)_ **DEFSOUL** : …

 

 **return-to-thailand** has renamed this conversation from ‘ **ALL KILL** ’ to ‘ **gay7** ’

_(19:08)_

 

☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

 

**gay7**

 

 _(11:34)_ **DEFSOUL** : lately jinyoung has been reading my texts but he never replies

 _(11:34)_ **TheBestMom** : thats because i never intended to read them in the first place

 _(11:34)_ **DEFSOUL** : JINYOUNG ???

 _(11:35)_ **return-to-thailand** : perhaps jinyoung snapped

 _(11:35)_ **TheBestMom** : its jinyoung hyung to you asswipe or ill really kick your ass so hard you fly all the way back to thailand in 2 seconds

 _(11:35)_ **return-to-thailand** : what did i do ???

 _(11:36)_ **TheBestMom** : nothing. you just piss me off

 _(11:36)_ **paychildsupport** : he just found out that the subway footlong isnt actually a foot long i think hes still in shock

 _(11:36)_ **TheBestMom** : _IM_ IN SHOCK ??? ITS LITERALLY CALLED A _FOOTLONG_ IM-

 

☆ ♬ ♡ ♩ ♥ ♪ ✧ ♪ ♥ ♩ ♡ ♬ ☆

 

 **yugyeomoppa** has renamed this conversation from ‘ **gay7** ’ to ‘ **updawg** ’

_(03:15)_

 

 _(08:51)_ **TheBestMom** : why the hell were you up at 3 a.m. for?

 _(08:51)_ **TheBestMom** : also what the fuck is updawg

 _(08:51)_ **yugyeomoppa** : hyung why are you less educated than my actual dad but looooooooooooooool

 _(08:52)_ **yugyeomoppa** : also jackson hyung snores like a bulldozer sometimes its hard to sleep

 _(08:52)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : really ?? why didnt you tell me earlier, i thought we had ligma ;(

 _(08:52)_ **DEFSOUL:** whats ligma

 _(08:53)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : LIGMA BALLZ LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 _(08:53)_ **DEFSOUL:** WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BITCH

 _(08:53)_ **TheBestMom** : jaebum hyung language please

 _(08:54)_ **DEFSOUL:** WHOMST THE FUCK HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF YOURSELF TO BE BITCH

 _(08:54)_ **TheBestMom:** nO

 _(08:54)_ **cocos-mom** : …

 _(08:55)_ **cocos-mom** : so much hava

 _(08:55)_ **TheBestMom** : not you too youngjae, don’t disappoint me like this

 _(08:55)_ **cocos-mom** : hyung pls,,, just this once,,, plsssssssss?? x3

 _(08:56)_ **TheBestMom** : …

 _(08:56)_ **TheBestMom** : fine, just this one time tho

 _(08:56)_ **TheBestMom** : whats hava?

 _(08:57)_ **cocos-mom** : HAVA NICE DAY !!! <333

 _(08:57)_ **TheBestMom** : i have and love one (1) son

 _(08:57)_ **yugyeomoppa** : hEY

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments pls ^p^  
> twitter: @ jyjbi  
> tumblr: @ jjeungri  
> (one day i will learn how to hyperlink)  
> pls also read my other fics !!!  
> (grammarly is roasting my ass rn bc of how many english mistakes kskskskskskskss lifes gud)  
> KEEP STREAMING LULLABY AS WELL :D


	5. sometimes i still lose sleep over jinyoungs dick size

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as the title suggests, theres lots of dick jokes/sexual innuendos that have been made in this chapter lmao hve fun reading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is last update before i buckle down for exams!! they end at the end of the month so hopefully i'll be back to update during december.

**private message**

 

_(10:30)_ **yugyeomoppa** : hey bams

_(10:30)_ **yugyeomoppa** : whats your street name

_(10:32)_ **return-to-thailand** : double b

_(10:32)_ **yugyeomoppa** : you live on a street called double b ???

_(10:33)_ **return-to-thailand** : oh wait you mean my address?? 

_(10:33)_ **yugyeomoppa** : yeah well duh

_(10:34)_ **yugyeomoppa** : who the fuck even thinks ppl ask for their actual street cred name

_(10:34)_ **yugyeomoppa** : you dumb fuck

_(10:35)_ **return-to-thailand** : hollon, wait a min

 

**gay7**

 

_(10:36)_ **return-to-thailand** : hey jaebum hyung

_(10:36)_ **return-to-thailand** : whats your street name

_(10:37)_ **DEFSOUL** : defsoul. why?

_(10:37)_ **return-to-thailand** : nothing. im just proving something to yugyeom

_(10:38)_ **return-to-thailand** : also, i quote yugyeom, ‘who the fuck even thinks ppl ask for their actual street cred name’

_(10:38)_ **return-to-thailand** : ‘you dumb fuck’

_(10:39)_ **DEFSOUL** : KUNPIMOOK BHUWAKUL

_(10:39)_ **DEFSOUL** : KIM YUGYEOM

_(10:40)_ **DEFSOUL** : better fucking sleep with both eyes tonight

_(10:40)_ **yugyeomoppa** : according to sseunie hyung i alr do so therefore your threat is invalid and does not actually pose as a threat and thus i will not be 

_(10:42)_ **return-to-thailand** : yugyeom ??

_(10:42)_ **return-to-thailand** : whered you go ??

_(10:43)_ **DEFSOUL** : …

_(10:43)_ **DEFSOUL** : watch your back, bam-ah

_(10:44)_ **DEFSOUL** : youre next

_(10:44)_ **DEFSOUL** : :)

 

 

☆ ♬  ♡  ♩  ♥  ♪ ✧ ♪  ♥  ♩  ♡  ♬ ☆

  
  


**gay7**

 

_(03:21)_ **TheBestMom** : children…

_(03:21)_ **TheBestMom** : i have been dwelling on this issue for the past few months

_(03:22)_ **TheBestMom** : and i still can’t wrap my head around it

_(03:22)_ **TheBestMom** : why the fuck is a subway footlong called a ‘footlong’ 

_(03:23)_ **TheBestMom** : if its not actually

_(03:23)_ **TheBestMom** : a _foot long_

_(03:24)_ **yugyeomoppa** : hyung, it is literally 3:30 in the morning

_(03:24)_ **yugyeomoppa** : what the fuck

_(03:25)_ **DEFSOUL** : …

_(03:25)_ **DEFSOUL** : yall know what should be called a footlong bc its actually a foot long?

_(03:26)_ **cocos-mom** : what?

_(03:26)_ **DEFSOUL** : jinyoungs dick

_(03:27)_ **DEFSOUL** : slurrpppp

_(03:27)_ **DEFSOUL** : ; )))

_(03:28)_ **cocos-mom** : hyung… what?

_(03:28)_ **yugyeomoppa** : OH SHIT WHAT OMG

_(03:29)_ **yugyeomoppa** : MY FKN EYES

_(03:29)_ **yugyeomoppa** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

_(03:30)_ **yugyeomoppa** : I CANT BELIEVE JAEBUM HYUNG JUST SAID THAT IN FRONT OF YOUNGJAE HYUNG AND JINYOUNG HYUNG

_(03:30)_ **yugyeomoppa** : WHAT THE FUCK

_(03:31)_ **TheBestMom** : YUGYEOM LANGUAGE

_(03:31)_ **TheBestMom** : also jaebum hyung what the fuck

_(03:32)_ **DEFSOUL** : WHAT! ITS TRUE

_(03:32)_ **DEFSOUL** : JAEBUM SAID SO HE TOLD ME

_(03:33)_ **TheBestMom** : jackson? is that you?

_(03:33)_ **TheBestMom** : why is jaebum hyung telling you about my dick size? answer me

_(03:34)_ **DEFSOUL** : ...

_(03:34)_ **TheBestMom** : jackson i stg i will beat your ass so hard youll fly into the next year

_(03:35)_ **DEFSOUL** : hey its not my fault, jaebum said i could use his phone bc mine died

_(03:35)_ **DEFSOUL** : also we’re both really drunk rn and he doesnt know im texting from his account

_(03:36)_ **DEFSOUL** : and im so gonna regret doing this when im sober tmrw

_(03:36)_ **DEFSOUL** : im just glad for now that i happen to sleep with both my eyes open as well

_(03:37)_ **TheBestMom** : two eyes aint enough no more bitch

_(03:37)_ **TheBestMom** : youre gonna have to open a third fucking eye bc im coming after you for ruining my precious son’s innocence and purity

_(03:38)_ **yugyeomoppa** : aw thanks hyung :”)

_(03:38)_ **TheBestMom** : no stfu you lil shit im not talking abt you

_(03:39)_ **TheBestMom** : im talking abt my beautiful son youngjae

_(03:39)_ **TheBestMom** : pls sleep soon okay? i love you

_(03:40)_ **cocos-mom** : i luv you too hyung uwu 

_(03:40)_ **yugyeomoppa** : SSEUNNIE HYUNG DO YOU SEE THIS

_(03:41)_ **DEFSOUL** : its okay gyeom-ah

_(03:41)_ **DEFSOUL** : youll come to realise soon enough that rejection is a bitter feeling

_(03:42)_ **yugyeomoppa** : _hyUNG_

 

 

☆ ♬  ♡  ♩  ♥  ♪ ✧ ♪  ♥  ♩  ♡  ♬ ☆

 

 

**private message**

 

_(19:07)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : hey baby boy

_(19:07)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : what you doing?

_(19:08)_ **yugyeomoppa** : im laying in bed rn

_(19:08)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : hmm,,, _just_ laying in bed? nothing else ??

_(19:09)_ **yugyeomoppa** : well im eating cereal

_(19:09)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : hhh thats nice

_(19:10)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : but what would you do if i was in bed next to you??

_(19:10)_ **yugyeomoppa** : idk? continue to eat my cereal?

_(19:11)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : lmao 

_(19:11)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : i mean if the cereal wasnt there

_(19:12)_ **yugyeomoppa** : then ill get out of bed and go get some cereal

_(19:12)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : yugyeom what the actual fuck

 

 

☆ ♬  ♡  ♩  ♥  ♪ ✧ ♪  ♥  ♩  ♡  ♬ ☆

  
  


**private message**

 

_(06:00)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : whats your biggest fear hyung

_(06:02)_ **paychildsupport** : being forgotten. probably

_(06:03)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : damn thats deep

_(06:03)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : mine is the kool aid man but i feel kinda stupid abt it now

 

 

☆ ♬  ♡  ♩  ♥  ♪ ✧ ♪  ♥  ♩  ♡  ♬ ☆

  
  


**gay7**

 

_(14:47)_ **return-to-thailand** :  guys i hit a tree

_(14:48)_ **paychildsupport** : bro what the heck

_(14:48)_ **paychildsupport** : are you okay??

_(14:49)_ **paychildsupport** : or shld i say…

_(14:49)_ **paychildsupport** : are you oaky ??

_(14:50)_ **return-to-thailand** :  hyung legit i just hit a freaking tree! this is not the time for your lame puns !!!

_(14:50)_ **yugyeomoppa** : how the fuck can you even hit a tree if you cant even drive

_(14:51)_ **TheBestMom** : isnt that _why_ he hit the tree though? because he cant fucking drive?

_(14:51)_ **yugyeomoppa** : but he doesnt even own a car!

_(14:52)_ **yugyeomoppa** : wait he doesnt own a car

_(14:52)_ **yugyeomoppa** : BAMBAM I STG IF MY CARS NOT PARKED INSIDE MY GARAGE RN

_(14:53)_ **paychildsupport** : lmao feels bad man

  
  


 

☆ ♬  ♡  ♩  ♥  ♪ ✧ ♪  ♥  ♩  ♡  ♬ ☆

  
  


**gay7**

 

_(11:02)_ **TheBestMom** : hey guys im going to the store, do you guys need anything?

_(11:02)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : some condoms maybe?

_(11:03)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : since im going out with yugyeom later im gonna need some protection

_(11:03)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : if you catch my drift ;)

_(11:04)_ **TheBestMom** : jackson-ah

_(11:04)_ **TheBestMom** : you dont need condoms

_(11:05)_ **TheBestMom** : your face is protection enough

_(11:05)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : WOW OKAY THAT WAS TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR WTH DUDE

_(11:06)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : THIS IS IT THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM DIVORCING OUR FRIENDSHIP

_(11:06)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : YOULL NEVER FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME AGAIN

_(11:07)_ **TheBestMom** : thats fucking the point

_(11:07)_ **WildAndSexy** **™** : _BITCH_ –

_(11:08)_ **TheBestMom** : STFU YOU LIMP LETTUCE GO STUFF A NUTBAR UP YOUR ASS

_(11:08)_ **TheBestMom** : anyways does anyone need anything picked up from the store?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jyjbi?lang=en)   
>  [tumblr](http://jjeungri.tumblr.com)
> 
> (come holler at me :D)
> 
> @ got7sbitch on twt, if you're out here reading this... thank you sm for the hyperlinking thingo ilysm also i wasnt joking about the commission thing so if want something pls dont hesitate
> 
> comment, kudos < 333


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